Nevada County has once again delivered an impressive bouquet of “what in the actual heck” this week, and lucky for you, I’m here to sniff it out and pour it into your favorite mug of small-town chaos. If you’ve ever wondered what it would sound like if The Twilight Zone had a baby with Nextdoor, this batch of dispatch calls should clear things right up.
Let’s dive into the madness.
Jumpin’ Ring-a-Ding Girls
A open line call to 911 overheard females discussing drinking alcohol and jumping on a trampoline.
Oh, to be young, tipsy, and airborne. A pocket-dial mid-spring probably wasn’t what dispatch expected, but hey, if you’re gonna call 911, at least give ‘em a show. Nothing like a little bounce and booze to really keep things classy. May their landings be soft and their drinks not too carbonated.
The Little People Laundry Bandits
A caller requested a call back regarding “little people stealing her clothes.”
Well, there goes my theory about where all the missing socks have been going. Somewhere out there is a highly coordinated team of pint-sized fashion thieves living their best life in my Target loungewear. Either that, or the garden gnomes are finally staging a coup. Honestly? I support it.
“River Guru” Wants The Whole Truth
A caller identified himself as “The River Guru” and wanted details about a previous incident to inform others.
Nothing says “self-appointed authority” like casually referring to yourself as The River Guru. I don’t know what happened at the river yesterday, but I’m guessing it involved at least one floatie, three cans of hard seltzer, and someone shouting “I got this!” right before they clearly didn’t.
Thank you for your service, oh chlorinated oracle.
Privacy For Person or Persons Unknown
A caller requested a call back about the neighbors’ “very high fence” and questioned why they’d need “that kind of privacy.”
Ah, the eternal mystery of the Great Wall of MindYourBusiness. Is it a fortress? A fallout shelter? A desperate attempt to block out the sound of you blasting 2000s emo hits at 11 p.m.? We may never know, but I do admire the level of commitment it takes to build a wall tall enough to make the neighbors call 911 out of curiosity.
That’s a wrap on this week’s greatest hits from the Nevada County 911 logs. If you laughed, cringed, or whispered “what the…” at least once during this post, then my job here is done.
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**Fun fact about today’s article: The title of each call contains part of the title to an episode of the original 1959 series “The Twilight Zone” with Rod Stirling.**
What’s your take? Drop it below!