You ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you accidentally walked into the plot of a low-budget sci-fi film mixed with a failed high school reunion rolled? Yeah, same. This edition of Call Log Diaries has us getting revenge for no party invite, dodging imaginary nurses in the drywall, and worrying about the emotional well-being of a piano. It’s the kind of chaos that makes you question everything… especially whether Nevada County runs on caffeine or conspiracy theories.
Let’s dive in.
A Major Party Foul
A 911 caller reported there was an online post about a large party allegedly involving underage drinking. Officers made contact with those at the party and found no alcohol, no chaos, and no crime. Turns out, the person who reported it… wasn’t invited.
One of the oldest stories in the book: If I can’t party, no one can. Next time maybe just crash the party instead of making a false police report…
Mystery Walter White
A caller requested law enforcement due to the smell of methamphetamine being cooked nearby. It’s reportedly an ongoing issue, but the caller couldn’t say exactly where it’s coming from.
It’s either meth or someone REALLY doesn’t know how to microwave popcorn. Either way, calling 911 based solely off your sense of smell – bold move.
Nurse Filled Furniture
A man called 911 and asked for help removing Turning Point nurses from his walls and couch. He later called back to cancel, saying never mind—he’s going to bed.
We’ve all had those nights where the living room doesn’t feel quite right. But if it becomes haunted with workers from the local rehab clinic? Maybe try some melatonin before law enforcement.
Radiation Nation
A woman called to report multiple electronic and radiation-related incidents, including major ear burns and her voice turning “robotic” while on a call with her doctor. She also mentioned having “multiple federal cases open” which she wanted the incidents documented for.
We’ve officially entered a Black Mirror episode. Radiation burns, robotic voice syndrome, and federal case files? All that’s missing is an ominous Siri update and a tinfoil hat with Bluetooth.
Nocturne in Rain Minor
A caller reported a piano left outside when the rain is coming and said they believed the Nevada City Police Department might be somehow connected to it.
What was the theory here? Band class gone rogue? A musical sting operation involving “Chopsticks” and “Hot Cross Buns”?
Unhinged To-Do List
An open 911 line captured background chatter that sounded perfectly calm. Topics included a casino, the arcade, how to get a doctor’s note to avoid working for a year, and popsicles.
If that’s not the most chaotic to-do list I’ve ever heard, I don’t know what is.
Casino. Arcade. Disability Fraud. Popsicles. Boom—errands complete.
Once again, Nevada County proves that weird is not just alive and well—it’s calling 911 regularly. Whether it’s party snitching out of spite, reporting radiation burns with a straight face, or getting emotionally invested in the fate of public pianos, one thing is absolutely clear:
we are not OK.
But that’s why I love it here.
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All above calls are actual reports received by the Nevada County Sheriff’s Office, Nevada City Police Department or Grass Valley Police Department and are public records.
The writer is not affiliated with any of these agencies.
All additional commentary is intended to bring a little levity to the small-town absurdity we all share. It is not meant to slander, mock, or cause harm to any individual or group.
What’s your take? Drop it below!