A Look at the Past While Staying in the Present
Five years, two months, and one day. That’s how long it has taken me to work through the worst parts of my trauma. 1,887 days of ups and downs, deep reflection, and putting in the work. Some days were light, filled with hope and small victories. Others left me gasping for air, fighting against the weight of my past while trying to navigate the hardships of the present.
Healing is never a straight path. It’s unpredictable, exhausting, and at times, it feels impossible. But looking back, I know one thing for sure—every struggle, every difficult moment, has been worth it. During my healing journey I’ve found there are three key insights that I believe will help anyone overcome trauma: learning to have the same empathy for yourself that you show to others, understanding that healing doesn’t mean forgetting, and recognizing the strength found in shared experiences.
Learning to Show Myself the Same Empathy I Show Others
I’ve always been the “mom friend.” The one people turn to when life feels overwhelming. The one who offers advice, listens without judgment, and just knows when something is wrong—sometimes even before the person realizes it themselves.
Being naturally empathetic has always been a strength, but for a long time, I didn’t extend that same kindness to myself. Instead of acknowledging my own pain, I buried it. Instead of facing my trauma, I distracted myself from it.
Learning this was the most significant hurdle on my journey to finding peace, and it took me the longest to do successfully. It wasn’t that I needed to show no empathy at all; rather, I needed to avoid absorbing everyone else’s problems as my own. I had to learn the importance of saying no instead of always saying yes to allow myself the space to focus on my own healing.
Now, I can finally say that while I will never, ever stop trying to help others with their problems, I have learned to be empathetic toward myself and put myself first when needed. I have learned to process my emotions instead of avoiding them, to sit with them instead of running away. But most importantly, I have learned that I deserve peace—no matter what my past has tried to convince me.
Healing Doesn’t Mean Forgetting
I’ll probably never stop making jokes about my trauma. Finding humor in dark moments has always been a coping mechanism, and honestly, it still helps. But now, it’s not my only tool when triggers occur. Now I have other ways to process my emotions, ways that don’t leave me spiraling.
Healing doesn’t mean erasing what happened. It’s not about ripping pages from the book of your life or blacking out the painful parts. That doesn’t help anyone—not you, and not the people around you.
True healing is about learning to look at those pages without wanting to set them on fire. It’s about using your experiences not as a source of destruction, but as a way to help yourself and others learn how to navigate their own stories without burning them to the ground.
The phrase “forgive and forget” does not exist in the realm that is overcoming trauma. In reality, the very memories that once haunted you can transform into your most powerful tools for supporting someone you care about in the future.
The Power of Shared Experience
No two traumas are the same, but there will always be pieces that connect us. Pain, fear, resilience—these emotions are universal in people with trauma. While healing is deeply personal, there’s definitely something powerful about knowing you’re not alone.
At its very core, overcoming trauma isn’t only about eventually helping others do the same. That’s just a beautiful bonus, but it’s not the true purpose. Healing is about you—your self-worth, your well-being and the peace you desire in your life.
And that’s something I hold onto tightly. There was a time when I believed and was even told, that I didn’t deserve peace, that chaos was the only thing I would live in. I had convinced myself that I had to keep punishing myself for things that weren’t my fault or things simply out of my control. But that was never true. And it isn’t true for you, either.
You are worth the peace you will find in healing from and overcoming your trauma. Punishing yourself won’t change what has happened and no one deserves a life of chaos. Living that way not only hurts you, but those who care for you and want to see you thriving again. So if you can’t rationalize healing for yourself right now, do it for those who wish it for you more than anything until you too see that you are deserving.
When I think about these past five years, they feel like just a moment in the grand scheme of life. A blink in passing of time. Yet, so much has changed. Now more than ever, I want to help others suffering from trauma to regain themselves and find their peace.
So let me ask you this — if this much growth can happen in five years, what could life be like in five more?
I guess we’ll just have to keep moving forward to find out.
What’s your take? Drop it below!