Part 1:
Trauma, Triggers, and Learning How to Breathe
As I stare down at my phone, watching “private number” call for the 80th time, I can’t help but wonder how anyone could spend their time this way. The relentless harassment is mind-boggling. Finally, my phone displays “New Voicemail,” signaling the end of this barrage of calls, at least for now. With a heavy sigh and a curious mind, I listen to the voicemail. Strings of gaslighting, derogatory names, school-boy sounding taunts and put-downs echo in my ears, filling me with disbelief. The audacity of this person truly knows no bounds. After what feels like an eternity, I put down my phone and take a deep breath—reminding myself that I am worthy of peace.
Reflecting on the past, I recall how a few years ago, the moment that person contacted me, I would have felt my hands grow clammy, my mouth would turn dry, and a wave of dread would wash over me. My heart rate would surge, and I’d physically embody the phrase “catching my breath” as I struggled to stave off hyperventilation. The air felt thick, the lights buzzed unnaturally loud, and closing my eyes sent me spiraling into vivid flashbacks. I was a prisoner of my fears. It was a single snap at my husband that finally made it painfully clear: something had to change. This realization propelled me into a deep dive about PTSD, trauma, and mental health, particularly focused on domestic violence and abuse treatment methods.
I quickly learned that any positive progress hinged on identifying my triggers. Consequently, I turned to my husband for help. You might wonder, “Why ask for help? Can’t you recognize when you’ve been triggered by your body’s response?” The answer isn’t straightforward. Living in a constant state of fight or flight for so long had warped my sense of calm to the point of it feeling “wrong” when there was no stress or anxiety present. After years of panic and walking on eggshells, my nervous system was frazzled, and I would usually miss the subtle signs that my mood had shifted when triggered. Fortunately, my husband knows me better than anyone, and I trusted him to gently point out when my mood shifted unexpectedly. Together, over the span of about a month, we identified about ten significant triggers, paving the way for the hard work ahead: retraining my brain, settling my nervous system and reclaiming my peace.
I started this new chapter in life by setting some ground rules for myself to help lessen the amount of triggers I faced. The most important of them being:
If a conversation threatened to trigger me, I would either change the subject or politely request we avoid it. You might think this sounds odd, but surprisingly, only one or two people expressed curiosity, and neither were close friends or family. It revealed something important about boundaries: often, people are more willing to respect them than we anticipate, and setting them is a powerful act of self-care.
If traveling to a place where I was easily triggered, I would always bring someone along. Navigating to certain locations was like asking to be triggered so, I made it a point to go only with my husband or another close friend by my side. The presence of another person reaffirmed my sense of security, providing safety and grounding when anxiety threatened to creep in.
As I was trying to avoid taking medications, I turned to breathing exercises as my method of choice against triggers and anxiety. These techniques are invaluable when a trigger occurs unexpectedly, as they redirect focus and prevent dissociating into distressing memories. Plus they can be done discreetly anywhere, making them ideal when a trigger happens in public.
The breathing method that worked wonders for me is the “Box Breathing” technique. This breathing method activates the parasympathetic nervous system and helps bring about a sense of calm. Mastering this technique has helped me in moments of distress but has also helped friends experiencing emotional distress. The beauty of breathing exercises is their effectiveness and simplicity making them the most versatile tool when presented with a trigger.
Box Breathing Method:
Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for a count of 4 seconds.
Exhale through your nose for a count of 4 seconds.
Hold your breath for a count of 4 seconds.
Repeat as many times as needed
“…peace isn’t merely the absence of chaos;
it’s an active choice to protect your well-being despite external circumstances.”
By making these simple changes, I took the first significant steps towards reclaiming my peace. It’s a continuous journey with ups and downs, but each small victory is one worth celebrating. I’ve learned that peace isn’t merely the absence of chaos; it’s an active choice to protect your well-being despite external circumstances. It’s choosing to face your fears and learning how to change them into strengths.
If you or someone you know has suffered from abuse or trauma of any kind, please seek the advice of a trained medical professional.
No two traumas are exactly the same meaning no two treatments are the same. I am only writing about my personal experience and what has helped me.
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Call 988
Text “Friend” to 62640
Chat online at chat.988lifeline.org.
**Part 2 : When Your World Crumbles will be available later this week.**
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