It’s time once again to share the real-life chaos that our local dispatchers deal with so the rest of us can sit back and cackle (lovingly). This Call Log Diaries features a man fighting flora, some alleged poultry mistreatment, a neighbor caught peeping, and a guy who may or may not be trapped in a conspiracy involving clones. Yes, you read that right. Let’s dive in.

The Garden Gladiator

A caller reported a man aggressively “fighting the plants” in broad daylight. It was hot out, and the man didn’t seem well, wearing long brown pants and a half-buttoned shirt.

Honestly, if I had to go twelve rounds with a hydrangea in this heat, I’d probably be halfway unbuttoned and feral too. But still—sir please, the plants did nothing wrong.

Cluckin’ Concerned

Someone called in to report chicken abuse.

That’s it. No context, just vibes and poultry pain. I’m choosing to believe this was either a very upset chicken owner or a neighborhood bird lover who just couldn’t stand by and watch their feathery friends get emotionally gaslit. I can just see the office saying, “Talk to me about these chickens. I’m emotionally invested.”

Driveway Peeping

A woman reported her neighbor—who has schizophrenia—was peeping on her while she was laying in her driveway.

That’s right, not a lawn chair, not a hammock, not a patio lounger. The driveway. Now, we don’t condone peeping in any form, but also… maybe don’t nap in a parking space? This feels like a mutual misunderstanding between someone trying to stargaze and someone else thinking they’re on display like a used car.

The Clone Conspiracy

A man requested a call regarding Turning Point allegedly not letting him leave their program. He also casually mentioned that there’s a clone currently out living his life. You know, as one does.

Look, I don’t want to discredit anyone’s reality, but if someone’s clone is out there paying bills and going to work for them, I’d personally like to sign up for that package. ASAP.

Just when I think Nevada County can’t get any weirder, someone goes toe-to-toe with a tomato plant and another calls in the poultry police. From clone conspiracies to heated vegetable battles, Call Log Diaries continues to deliver peak small-town drama with a healthy dash of “what did I just read?”