Nevada County: where the gold is imaginary, the dogs might be people, and calling 911 to ask about burning frankincense is somehow not even the strangest thing that happened. From hallucinating treasure hunters to chicken-craving half-dressed brothers, this log is pure chaos wrapped in sage smoke and questionable life choices. So light your incense (legally), grab a seat, and let’s dive in.
Rocky Raid
A 911 caller said he believed he was about to be raided. He reported hearing unknown subjects throwing rocks at his house about 30 minutes earlier, but hadn’t seen anyone. He stated the “kids” had since left, he wasn’t sure where they went, and he didn’t need law enforcement unless they returned.
If you’re hearing kids throw rocks but haven’t seen anyone in 30 minutes, it might be time to close the curtains, hydrate and take a nap.
Leprechaun Logic
A caller reported their friend was hallucinating while under the influence of marijuana, ketamine, and LSD. The friend was currently manic and believed a large rock was a pot of gold. The friend’s ex-wife was en route to the scene while another unknown friend was at the residence.
When your pot of gold is literally a river rock and your guest list includes an ex-wife and a mystery plus-one, it might be time to reconsider your weekend plans.
Sage Advice
A caller, preparing to visit “the village of Nevada City,” requested a call back to ask if burning frankincense incense would violate the no smoking policy.
I don’t know what’s more magical—the commitment to medieval village vibes or the genuine concern about offending the local ordinance with holy smoke.
Dear sir: the witches of Nevada City thank you for your courtesy.
Dog Days
A caller said he planned to put himself in a dog suit so Animal Control would use a dog pole on him, which would then allow him to shrink himself and sneak into their phone and purse.
This man woke up and said, “I choose chaos and cartoon physics.” Honestly, the amount of plot development in this single sentence is impressive but concerning.
No Pants, No Problem
A hospitalized caller asked for a welfare check on his brother, last seen on via welfare check on 6/6. On arrival, deputies found the man, who was safe, pantsless, and simply requested “chicken and beer.” He was informed that this was outside of NCSO policy.
This man is living his truth: no pants with crispy chicken and beer-based priorities.
Somewhere out there is a country song just begging to be written about this moment.
Just when you think things can’t get weirder than calling 911 about rocks that aren’t gold, along comes a man in a dog suit trying to hide away in a purse. If Nevada County had a town motto, it would be: “We don’t do normal here.” And thank goodness for that—because otherwise, what would we write about?
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Disclaimer:
All calls above are actual reports received by the Nevada County Sheriff’s Office and are public records. The writer is not affiliated with the agency or the dispatch center.
All additional commentary is intended to bring a little levity to the small-town absurdity we all share. It is not meant to slander, mock, or cause harm to any individual or group.
What’s your take? Drop it below!