Welcome back for another whirlwind of delightfully odd calls from Nevada County. If you’re wondering what it’s like to live in a small town, wonder no more. It’s a place where bears break into your fridge (twice), internet fraud becomes a metaphysical experience, and goldfish families get left behind. It’s all real, it’s all documented, and it’s all gloriously absurd in this edition of Call Log Diaries.
Midnight Snack Gone Feral
A 911 caller reported that a large bear was currently on her deck trying to get back into the house. The same bear had already broken in the night before and raided her refrigerator.
At this point, the bear probably knows the Wi-Fi password and has an Instacart list.
Lock your doors, folks—Yogi’s got cravings.
Eviction Fish-uation
Roughly six goldfish were found left behind in an aquarium by a recently evicted tenant. The property owner was two hours away but stated they’d stay local until Animal Control could respond.
What I wouldn’t give to have been a fly on the wall when Animal Control heard it was goldfish.
Shoutout to the landlord for being more responsible than half of pet owners and staying with them until help arrived!
Sinkhole or Soft Spot?
A citizen called to report a depression forming in the concrete with water sounds underneath, suspecting a possible sinkhole. A follow-up from “Carlos” revealed it was an NID issue and the agency had been notified.
Nothing spices up your Tuesday quite like the threat of being swallowed by the Earth, am I right?
Latte With a Left Hook
A man reported being the victim of an assaulted via a cup of hot coffee.
He didn’t spill the tea, but someone sure spilled the coffee—with intent.
Grounds for arrest? Maybe. Grounds in the cup? Hopefully.
Peacock Penthouse Party
A caller reported a lone peacock perched on the roof of The Center for the Arts in down town.
Was he admiring the view? Practicing for a one-bird show? Either way, this peacock understood the assignment: location, elevation, and pure artistic flair.
Have You Seen The Internet?
A heavily intoxicated-sounding woman called 911, claiming she was trying to email her son, but the person replying wasn’t him. She wanted to report him missing but didn’t know his location. When asked her location she couldn’t give an address and hung up after being informed a deputy would be contacting her. Upon calling for the second time she declared it was the internet that was actually missing. She asked dispatch if they knew about internet fraud then refused to answer further questions.
We’ve all been there—late night, a couple drinks in, the Wi-Fi starts acting up—and logic goes straight out the window.
It’s might be time to admit that Nevada County isn’t just quirky—it’s a full-on indie sitcom. The love child of Cheers and Friends Here’s to the dispatchers who keep answering the phone, the officers who respond with straight faces, and the residents who call in the chaos. We see you, we salute you, and we will absolutely write about you.
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Disclaimer:
All calls within each “Call Log Diaries” are actual reports received by the Nevada County Sheriff’s Office, Nevada City Police Department or Grass Valley Police Department and are public records.
The writer is not affiliated with any of these agencies, the dispatch center. All additional commentary is intended to bring a little levity to the small-town absurdity we all share. It is not meant to slander, mock, or cause harm to any individual or group.
What’s your take? Drop it below!